I believe.....

In my online explorations I came across this statement of beliefs. Today as I look for strength, for belief, for faith, I felt compelled to share these wonderful words that have touched my life. This entry will be a "work in progress".....if you wish, send me your "beliefs" and I will add them to the entry. I will begin with the original entry and then add my own entries at the end and then finally the beliefs that are shared with me.

I believe ~
that just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue it doesn't mean they do.

I believe ~
that we don't have to change friends

if we understand that friends change.

I believe ~
that no matter how good a friend is,

they are going to hurt you every once in a while

and you must forgive them for that.

I believe ~
that true friendship continues to grow,

even over the longest distance.

Same goes for true love.

I believe ~
that you can do something in an instant that

will give you heartache for life.

I believe ~
that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe ~
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I believe ~
that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe ~
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe ~
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe ~
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe ~
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe ~
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing

and have the best time.

I believe ~
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down,

will be the ones to help you back up.

I believe ~

that sometimes when I am angry I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe ~

that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you have celebrated.

I believe ~

that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe ~

that no matter how bad your heart is broken

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe ~

that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we

are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe ~

that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.

It could change your life forever.

I believe ~

two people can look at the exact same thing

and see something totally different.

I believe ~

that your life can be changed in a matter of hours

by people who don't even know you.

I believe ~

that even when you think you have no more to give,

when a friend cries out to you ~ you will find strength to help.

I believe ~

that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe ~

that the people you care about most in your life

are taken from you too soon.

That's what I believe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I believe ~

that hands are for holding, mouths are for speaking and sharing,

ears are for listening, arms are for embracing

and hearts are for loving.

I believe ~

that a smile can work wonders! :)

I believe ~

that good relationships are a lot of work, but well worth the effort.

I believe ~

that the words "I love you" can never be said too often.

I believe ~

that we can never be loved by too many people....

that there is always room for more love in our lives.

I believe ~

that it does take a "community" to raise a child.

I believe ~

that children can never get too dirty, laugh too much or have too much fun....

there is always room for more laughter, fun and life experiences.

I believe ~

that the true beauty of the world can be seen through a child's eyes.

I believe ~

that everyone deserves at least "four hugs a day"!

I believe ~

that tears are meant to be shed and laughter is meant to be shared....

both mean we are experiencing life.

I believe ~

that we are all created and designed to be our unique self....

and that finding that self and honouring that self is one of life's greatest accomplishments.

Live as you were destined to live!

I believe ~

that what we give to others is what we will receive in return.

I believe ~

that the greatest gift we can give is one without cost.

I believe ~

that one of life's most precious gifts is the gift of forgiveness....

of self and others.

I believe ~

that the most amazing love for others comes when we love ourself.

I believe ~

that there is no greater pain than that of knowing

you have hurt someone you love.

I believe ~

that forgiveness and acceptance is needed to move forward.

I believe ~

that fear is paralyzing.

I believe ~

that we are stronger than we think we are.

I believe ~

that even when we put up the greatest walls of protection,

we are still vulnerable.

I believe ~

that moments are meant to be embraced....

because there is never enough time....

we never know when that moment may be our last.

I believe ~

that life is a journey....

full of a variety of emotions, experiences and connections.

After A While....

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul ~

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security ~

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises ~

And you begin to accept your defeats with
your head up and your eyes opened,
with the grace of an adult,
not the grief of a child ~

And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans ~

After a while you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much ~

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers ~

And you learn that you really can endure....
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth.

~ Anonymous

Progress Not Perfection

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing,

is giving up on being perfect and

beginning the work of becoming yourself."

~ Anna Quindlen

I have been reading a book my Mom passed on to me and within the first chapter or so a statement was written that resounded within me.... ~ "'Progress not perfection' has become my motto" ~ What an excellent motto!! :) One I can definitely relate to desiring for myself in this branch of my journey.

I have spent a majority of my life living in a constant desire for perfection ~ to be the perfect wife, parent, daughter, sister, mom, friend, student, employee, volunteer, PAC Chairperson, Soccer Registrar, homemaker, advocate for my children, artist, writer, Christian and all round person.....how exhausting. In my attempts to achieve perfection I lost sight of myself. I became so absorbed in being good enough, worthy enough, perfect enough that the person I am, the essence of my being, became covered up by many layers of masks. In my attempts to be "perfect" and live up to other people's expectations I lost the ability to connect with my inner spirit and what it needed....to love myself just because I am, not because of what I do or achieve.

Over the last year and a half....or perhaps even longer, the little niggling feelings began within me....I have chosen to live by being, not doing. I have chosen to work on "becoming myself"...on finding who I am at the essence of my being. Peeling back the many layers and masks hasn't been easy. And letting go of the need for perfection and the acceptance of others REALLY hasn't been easy. But I have learned to accept progress, no matter how small of a step it may be, instead of perfection. I have learned to let go....to release myself and others....and I have learned how to embrace myself as I am ~ a work in progress.

"All our progress is an unfolding, like the vegetable bud.

You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then knowledge,

as the plant has root, bud and fruit.

Trust the instinct to the end, although you can render no reason."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have learned to trust that "niggling"....that instinct....that the journey I have taken to discover self is an amazing work in progress. There are times I falter on my journey ~ I doubt, question and retreat in fear....but ultimately I come back to knowing that honouring the person I am, not what I do, is the only way to live a healthy life.

"Progress has not followed a straight and ascending line,

but a spiral with rhythms of progress and retrogression,

of evolution and dissolution.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Gothe

So yes, I am learning to accept that I am human....I am not perfect....instead I am a work in progress. As I said to a friend earlier this week when they told me that I am the best there is ~
"I am definitely sure I am not the best......I am who I am....the good qualities and the challenging qualities....on my journey of life....where I continue to discover who I am and evolve as a person....to be healthy, to live in truth to self, to be able to fully embrace life always.....to seek (as the book I am reading says) "progress not perfection"....to be sure I am living life, however that may look, and to be the best person I can be to every person that touches my life....in every experience."

Another friend said to me last Sunday ~ "Angela, you have the ability to see the good in everyone....I believe you could love anyone....because your heart is so willing to embrace others for who they are". And for the most part I do live by that....because there is good in all of us....none of us are the best, none of us are perfect....we are all who we are. I am who I am....who I am today, who I am discovering myself to be ~ a work in progress on this amazing (yet often challenging) journey of life.

"The imperfections of man, his frailties, his faults,

are just as important as his virtues.

You can't separate them. They're wedded.

~ Henry Miller

Today as I put one foot in front of the other, look within myself, and yes, tread water to keep my head afloat as I travel on my journey of life....of discovering and becoming myself....I will remember that motto ~ "progress not perfection" and live true to it within my spirit as I live true to myself and accept myself, love myself for who I am....not what I do, especially not how "perfect" I can be.

I AM WHO I AM!

Looking in my mirror....

"You don't really understand human nature

unless you know why

a child on a merry-go-round

will wave at his parents every time around ~

and why his parents will always wave back."

~ William D. Tammeus

Is it the fact that my eldest son is graduating from high school this year or that I have been looking deeply within myself or that we have had several intimate, yet not always easy, conversations this past week that has created a deep rooted feeling inside me that I am looking into my mirror when I speak to my son....when I hear his words that resound with the very essence of who I am.

My eldest son Jeff and I are very close. We have what many would call a unique relationship....the depth and the connection....the openness often far surpasses that of his peers' relationships with their parents. Is it because we are closer in age to one another than most parent and child relationships? Is it because I have always believed in keeping the door open...no matter what he has to tell me....and have listened with open ears and arms, without judgement? Is it because the "I love yous" are never far from leaving my lips...and do so on a very frequent basis? Is it because I have tried to teach him to love...to truly live life and embrace all it has to offer...and that nothing in life cannot be accomplished if you really want it to? Or is it because he is very much his mother's son....a mirror of who I am? I am sure there are many reasons for the depth of our connection...why we can speak so easily to one another, why I am a parent who can say ~ yes, I understand my son...why my son (my teenage son) will give me a hug, a kiss and an "I love you" regardless of who is around. Whatever those reasons are, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am truly blessed.

There are times when I listen to Jeff speak that I hear my own voice...feel like I am looking into a mirror. His intuitive nature and his perception skills that allow him to understand and connect to the people in his world, to make sense of many of the "happenings" in his world....the depth of how he thinks in relation to others, reminds me of myself and my own personal desire to truly understand the "complexities" of others and the world. His ability to make friends, to love others unconditionally and to connect with people of all ages, backgrounds, lifestyles...wherever they are in their journey....and the absolute joy that doing so brings into his life reminds me of my own way of "living life". His need in times of challenge to feel the gamut of emotions, to express them and then to "hold the hand" of a good friend, a loved one, reminds me of my way of "coping with life". Jeff's need to surround himself with people, always have something to do (almost always involving another person or two) and how keeping such an active social schedule energizes him reminds me of my own way of "refueling". His insight and maturity that is "wise beyond his years"...which can be a blessing or a challenge in this life built on rites of passage by chronological time...reminds me of my own feelings of not always being on the same branch of the journey of life as my peers. His desire to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders....to help others, to fix things in life....despite the fact that ~ yes Jeff, there isn't a "band-aid" big enough in our "back pocket" to mend all things in this world....reminds me of my own need to nurture, to help, to care and to love. The connections we share are endless....as too are there many differences. Yes, when I look at my son, when I listen to my son, I feel like I am looking into a mirror...very often.

During several conversations about parenting last night we talked about the importance of instilling confidence in our children. About raising them by setting the best possible example...doing the very best we can. About unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of where they are in their journey. And about how when we look at our children....we see ourselves.

There are often times I question my ability as a parent....and times when I question the paths I have taken in my life. But when I look at this remarkable young man, who is a mirror of myself, while still retaining his own unique identity....when I see that incredible compassionate heart, the zest for life, the understanding mind.....I know that I did OK in my job as a parent....no, if my son is any indication of the job I did....I have done an awesome job in my role as a mother!

When I look into that mirror....regardless of the challenges I see that may be faced....I love what I see! Yes...Jeff...my son...a mirror of myself....I love you! :)

"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we want to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself."

~ Joyce Maynard

No Stranger to Darkness

"There are as many nights as days,

and the one is just as long as

the other in a year's course.

Even a happy life cannot be

without a measure of darkness,

and the word 'happy' would

lose it's meaning if it

were not balanced by sadness"

~ Carl Jung

Today is Good Friday ~ the day we remember Christ's ultimate sacrifice for us. I spent my morning in a spiritual time of remembrance and reflection within a worship community that I now feel comfortable saying is a place where I feel like I have "come home". There is just something about this place of worship that truly fills my spirit....where I can feel a deeper connection to my spiritual essence.

A dominant theme in this morning's message was ~ darkness. Remembering the darkness that is prevalent in Jesus' death on the cross for us....for our sins. As He spoke the words....the prayer...."My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?"

I am all to familiar with darkness....as many of us are. Darkness is a part of life for all of us at some point in our journey. For some of us the darkness comes much more often, on a very deep level. The feelings of hopelessness and aloneness that consume the very essence of my being in that state of darkness are absolutely terrifying. How many times have I questioned....why me? Will this darkness ever end? Am I going to be able to take that next breath? But, despite my spiritual essence, have I turned to prayer...spoken my words to God and called out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?" Sure I have felt that, but have I truly called out. Instead I am one who chooses to face life's challenges alone...."stand on my own two feet"...with the support of others being offered, but rarely asked for. What would it be like in that place of darkness to call out....to reach out....in prayer, in spoken words....as Jesus did with faith and hope.

When I think of darkness, the times of aloneness and hopelessness, I cannot help but be brought to a place of thinking about the depths of the pit of darkness. That place where you feel you cannot get out. Where the light doesn't come. I live nearly each and every day fighting that battle....the battle of not being in that place of the most ultimate darkness where the glimmer of light...the glimmer of hope, doesn't come. I have had many conversations with my dear friend on this one ~ how in a blink of an eye it could be us in that place....the place where we don't get out. This thought has been a dominant presence for me on my journey over the last year and a half.....on the journey of being sure that I will be healthy enough to never be in that place. To be able to say with absolute confidence, no matter how much darkness shadows me ~ I choose life. Yes, I choose life....I choose health....and in order to do so, I choose to live in truth.

I cling to hope....the precious hope that is often hard to find....the real hope and a firm belief ~ the faith ~ that life truly is worth living....even in the times of darkness.

In your times of darkness remember that light is always there to "balance" the darkness...

As spoken by a Holocaust survivor ~ "we all have the potential to turn a dark room light." Because yes, light is always there, even when it is hard to find.

Living Real Life....

"And in the end, it's not the years

in your life that count.

It's the life in your years."

~ Abraham Lincoln

It has been ten days since my fingers last tapped out my thoughts in this venue. Is that because I have been void of thoughts to share, words to speak....no, it is because I have been busy....living life.

This particular blog topic has been on my mind since my last entry. The seeds of it began with a conversation I had with a very special friend who shared with me what her roommate had said to her ~ "you surround yourself by people who have so much drama in their lives". My response to that one came much more swiftly than I would have anticipated, considering I am one of those who apparently has drama in my life (perhaps my new label would be a drama queen....forget the lionness...the "Queen of the Jungle"...lol...not!) My belief is that what appears to be drama is in fact LIFE! Yes, the people whom my friend's roommate referred to are all living life.

Drama to me, is something that is created....roles taken on, superficially based on real life, ever evolving in a place of pretend....something designed to suit the observers. To perhaps make the observer feel the gamut of emotions and experience a variety of thoughts as they connect to it...but all done with the intention of creating such an effect.

As you do when observing drama (a play in the theatre, a movie, a tv show etc.) ~ when you observe my life, you will perhaps feel the gamut of emotions and experience many different thoughts....but through your own lens, your own perception....not because I have any intention of creating an effect on your life. I am simply living....and what you observe you will take in through your own personal life experiences and views...or perhaps you will think and feel nothing at all. The "observer" next to you is likely thinking and feeling something completely different. This happens when observing drama or living life because we cannot separate ourselves from the depth of who we are. The difference being that drama is created to make you think and feel.....I am not creating my life to make you think and feel....I am simply living, and if you connect to me through my living life, however you may do so, then I am blessed by your presence in it.

The more "drama" I appear to have in my life the more I believe I am living. What looks like drama to the observer seems to be someone who is experiencing many things in their life....a lot of different emotions, they have many pieces in their puzzle, there seems to always be something "going on", they appear to be facing many challenges (balanced with that many blessings as well) and there always seems to be something to "talk about" with regards to their life. Hmm....well that sounds a lot like living....like making the most out of every moment we are blessed with...making sure there is a lot of life in their years. In order to truly live, to truly experience life you need to experience....REALLY EXPERIENCE...each moment. As there are many moments in our lifetime (although always too few...so they are very precious) you will experience a complex variety of emotions and "life experiences".....life's happenings!

"The personal life deeply lived

always expands into

truths beyond itself."

~ Anais Nin

So if drama is what is going on in my life.....well then perhaps I should just start charging admission to all you wonderful people who touch my life. But since I believe I am just living....not creating drama.....I'll say instead ~ join me in this experience of life....because it truly is worth the "drama" it creates!

Love you all.....my "fellow actors / actresses" in this journey of life.

Live, love, laugh....experience, connect....make your moments count!

"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments.

Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole.

Life is a succession of such moments and

to live each, is to succeed."

~ Corita Kent