Progress Not Perfection

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing,

is giving up on being perfect and

beginning the work of becoming yourself."

~ Anna Quindlen

I have been reading a book my Mom passed on to me and within the first chapter or so a statement was written that resounded within me.... ~ "'Progress not perfection' has become my motto" ~ What an excellent motto!! :) One I can definitely relate to desiring for myself in this branch of my journey.

I have spent a majority of my life living in a constant desire for perfection ~ to be the perfect wife, parent, daughter, sister, mom, friend, student, employee, volunteer, PAC Chairperson, Soccer Registrar, homemaker, advocate for my children, artist, writer, Christian and all round person.....how exhausting. In my attempts to achieve perfection I lost sight of myself. I became so absorbed in being good enough, worthy enough, perfect enough that the person I am, the essence of my being, became covered up by many layers of masks. In my attempts to be "perfect" and live up to other people's expectations I lost the ability to connect with my inner spirit and what it needed....to love myself just because I am, not because of what I do or achieve.

Over the last year and a half....or perhaps even longer, the little niggling feelings began within me....I have chosen to live by being, not doing. I have chosen to work on "becoming myself"...on finding who I am at the essence of my being. Peeling back the many layers and masks hasn't been easy. And letting go of the need for perfection and the acceptance of others REALLY hasn't been easy. But I have learned to accept progress, no matter how small of a step it may be, instead of perfection. I have learned to let go....to release myself and others....and I have learned how to embrace myself as I am ~ a work in progress.

"All our progress is an unfolding, like the vegetable bud.

You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then knowledge,

as the plant has root, bud and fruit.

Trust the instinct to the end, although you can render no reason."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have learned to trust that "niggling"....that instinct....that the journey I have taken to discover self is an amazing work in progress. There are times I falter on my journey ~ I doubt, question and retreat in fear....but ultimately I come back to knowing that honouring the person I am, not what I do, is the only way to live a healthy life.

"Progress has not followed a straight and ascending line,

but a spiral with rhythms of progress and retrogression,

of evolution and dissolution.

~ Johann Wolfgang von Gothe

So yes, I am learning to accept that I am human....I am not perfect....instead I am a work in progress. As I said to a friend earlier this week when they told me that I am the best there is ~
"I am definitely sure I am not the best......I am who I am....the good qualities and the challenging qualities....on my journey of life....where I continue to discover who I am and evolve as a person....to be healthy, to live in truth to self, to be able to fully embrace life always.....to seek (as the book I am reading says) "progress not perfection"....to be sure I am living life, however that may look, and to be the best person I can be to every person that touches my life....in every experience."

Another friend said to me last Sunday ~ "Angela, you have the ability to see the good in everyone....I believe you could love anyone....because your heart is so willing to embrace others for who they are". And for the most part I do live by that....because there is good in all of us....none of us are the best, none of us are perfect....we are all who we are. I am who I am....who I am today, who I am discovering myself to be ~ a work in progress on this amazing (yet often challenging) journey of life.

"The imperfections of man, his frailties, his faults,

are just as important as his virtues.

You can't separate them. They're wedded.

~ Henry Miller

Today as I put one foot in front of the other, look within myself, and yes, tread water to keep my head afloat as I travel on my journey of life....of discovering and becoming myself....I will remember that motto ~ "progress not perfection" and live true to it within my spirit as I live true to myself and accept myself, love myself for who I am....not what I do, especially not how "perfect" I can be.

I AM WHO I AM!