The Many Layers of Masks.....

This week I am back at work and back connecting with people in what I will call the "real world".

I have spent the last month and a half in a virtual seclusion....connecting with very few people. In part because of my corneal transplant and in part because of psychological reasons and a need to hide.

To me it seems somewhat counter productive....for someone who has spent so much of the past year trying to remove masks....to learn to just "be"......to live in truth.....I have managed to put myself in a position of "hiding" yet again. Yes, the masks looked different.....but they were still there.....they just revealed themselves differently.

I began to really question the amount of progress I was making....was I in fact going "backwards" after all my work. So I decided it was time to face life again.....face my fears....remove the protective mask of seclusion and venture out again.

I worked this week and spent some time in my son's school. Through those experiences I ended up connecting with people I hadn't seen in a long time. And of course their natural first question to me is "how are you doing?" To which my response was I am doing fine / good or something to that effect. Their response without fail has been "no your not...", "I can tell". How can you tell? Is it the look in my eyes, the tone in my voice, my body language. Is it really that obvious?

These experiences have brought out a vast array of responses within myself.....my own questioning and revelations. These kind and caring people who can so easily tell how I am doing are exactly what I feared about connecting with people. I don't want people to see I am not ok.....at least I don't want everyone to see I am not ok. It makes me want to run and hide, go back to the comforts of seclusion.....so I don't have to look you in the eye and face you finding out I am not ok. Yet, on the other hand I feel a sense of joy.....that despite my fears that I had taken steps backwards during my time of seclusion I am no longer able to hide behind the masks as I once was able to do so. When you see me, you see me as I am in this moment....despite my words trying to be a mask, what you see is truth.

I am usually able to find some way to "close" my blogs....but tonight I sit here at a loss for words.....torn between wanting to put on my finest mask or fully embrace releasing my masks....I suppose that answer will come as I continue on my journey.

May You Be Blessed......

A dear friend of mine sent me this beautiful link ~ may you be blessed. I am not usually one to "pass on" these types of links and messages....but this one really touched my heart and I am sure it will touch your's.

http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/


For the most part I choose to live my life as recognizing each moment as a blessing......an opportunity and a gift. Sure there are days that I struggle to do so. I think that is what makes me "human"! And during those days where I am facing my greatest struggles.....I am touched by the greatest blessings ~ you! It is you, my wonderful friends, who love me unconditionally, support me (even if you don't always agree with me), hold my hand and offer guidance when I need it, who offer a listening ear, who reach out with wonderful loving gestures and who bless my life immensely by your presence in it.....and most of all you give me hope when I can't find it myself.

Thank you my wonderful friends for blessing my life with love, hope and friendship ~ may you all know that you are an incredible blessing in my life and I love you very much! :)

Inside Vision....

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside dreams.

Who looks inside, awakens.

~ Carl Jung

Having faced the possible loss of physical vision and the resulting necessary corneal transplant I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about vision over the past eight months. I have dug to some pretty deep places within myself in search of clarity. It is through that looking inside that my vision has become so much clearer......as the quote says I can truly feel myself awakening. The journey ahead for me will continue to bring with it healing in my physical vision and clarity through internal vision.....as I continue to awaken.....embrace life fully ~ whole heartedly!

May you all experience that true sense of awakening that comes as a result of looking inside.....not to the outside world.....awaken and CARPE DIEM ~ seize the day and all it's many opportunities!

Everyone Has The Potential

I went to see the screening of "Freedom Writers" tonight.....great movie! It was very well done and definitely had an impacting storyline....the character development was amazing! :) (Ok there's my plug for a great movie)

So....where am I going with this ~ you know I have to be going somewhere! LOL!!! The movie really tugged at my mind and my heart strings ~ got me thinking (surprise, surprise). The message was so clear, one that I firmly believe in and strive to live by.....the gift of believing in someone can make all the difference in their life! We all want to be "somebody" to feel like we matter in this world, to belong and to feel valued. But there are times when many of us struggle to feel as if we do and when somebody believes in us it can give us strength to put one foot in front of the other and face our journey ~ whatever lays ahead for us.

When I reflect on this movie two words come to mind ~ hope and faith. Hope is believing that something is out there......faith is knowing that we can make it possible. We all have the potential within us to achieve our goals and dreams.....to be the person we want to be...... A message spoken by a Holocaust survivor in the movie "Freedom Writers" that demonstrates that belief is ~ we all have the potential to turn a dark room light!

So my friends....believe in yourself....believe in others.....and have the hope and faith you need to experience your journey fully ~ turn many dark rooms light!