It's Time....

to start writing again! Yes, it is time I stopped shoving that nagging writer's desire aside and just sat down and did what my spirit calls me to do so frequently....WRITE!!!!

Well...I got the news. I finally have a date set for my transplant. I will be having my corneal transplant surgery on April 30th. This is of course donor dependent. The thought of that kind of freaks me out. Here I sit thinking someone has to die so that I can receive a new cornea...almost wishing for that cornea, that's like wishing for someone to die. I'd never do that in my sane state of mind, so why is my subconscious state doing so. Perhaps it is that deeply embedded frustration of not being able to see for the last several years. What a gift it would be to have sight again. To see the world with visual clarity again. I truly can't remember what that was like as I go through my days in a virtual visual fog.

In many ways a huge part of me is holding back from hoping that my vision will be restored. I am scared to hope and then be disappointed with the outcome like I was this previous time around. There is a part of me that wants to see so much so that it permeates the very core of my being and that part is terrified that this surgery will not be the success that I so desperately long for.

Living with visual distortion is extremely exhausting. My body is tired, my mind is exhausted and my eyes are strained to the point of being painful. I can't remember what it was like to just open my eyes, pop my glasses on or contact lenses in and see...what a gift that would be to my eyes, mind, body and spirit. So yes...here we wait for April 30th, for this incredible gift in hopes that it will bring healing and vision to this being, my being, that so desperately longs for it.