Looking in my mirror....

"You don't really understand human nature

unless you know why

a child on a merry-go-round

will wave at his parents every time around ~

and why his parents will always wave back."

~ William D. Tammeus

Is it the fact that my eldest son is graduating from high school this year or that I have been looking deeply within myself or that we have had several intimate, yet not always easy, conversations this past week that has created a deep rooted feeling inside me that I am looking into my mirror when I speak to my son....when I hear his words that resound with the very essence of who I am.

My eldest son Jeff and I are very close. We have what many would call a unique relationship....the depth and the connection....the openness often far surpasses that of his peers' relationships with their parents. Is it because we are closer in age to one another than most parent and child relationships? Is it because I have always believed in keeping the door open...no matter what he has to tell me....and have listened with open ears and arms, without judgement? Is it because the "I love yous" are never far from leaving my lips...and do so on a very frequent basis? Is it because I have tried to teach him to love...to truly live life and embrace all it has to offer...and that nothing in life cannot be accomplished if you really want it to? Or is it because he is very much his mother's son....a mirror of who I am? I am sure there are many reasons for the depth of our connection...why we can speak so easily to one another, why I am a parent who can say ~ yes, I understand my son...why my son (my teenage son) will give me a hug, a kiss and an "I love you" regardless of who is around. Whatever those reasons are, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am truly blessed.

There are times when I listen to Jeff speak that I hear my own voice...feel like I am looking into a mirror. His intuitive nature and his perception skills that allow him to understand and connect to the people in his world, to make sense of many of the "happenings" in his world....the depth of how he thinks in relation to others, reminds me of myself and my own personal desire to truly understand the "complexities" of others and the world. His ability to make friends, to love others unconditionally and to connect with people of all ages, backgrounds, lifestyles...wherever they are in their journey....and the absolute joy that doing so brings into his life reminds me of my own way of "living life". His need in times of challenge to feel the gamut of emotions, to express them and then to "hold the hand" of a good friend, a loved one, reminds me of my way of "coping with life". Jeff's need to surround himself with people, always have something to do (almost always involving another person or two) and how keeping such an active social schedule energizes him reminds me of my own way of "refueling". His insight and maturity that is "wise beyond his years"...which can be a blessing or a challenge in this life built on rites of passage by chronological time...reminds me of my own feelings of not always being on the same branch of the journey of life as my peers. His desire to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders....to help others, to fix things in life....despite the fact that ~ yes Jeff, there isn't a "band-aid" big enough in our "back pocket" to mend all things in this world....reminds me of my own need to nurture, to help, to care and to love. The connections we share are endless....as too are there many differences. Yes, when I look at my son, when I listen to my son, I feel like I am looking into a mirror...very often.

During several conversations about parenting last night we talked about the importance of instilling confidence in our children. About raising them by setting the best possible example...doing the very best we can. About unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of where they are in their journey. And about how when we look at our children....we see ourselves.

There are often times I question my ability as a parent....and times when I question the paths I have taken in my life. But when I look at this remarkable young man, who is a mirror of myself, while still retaining his own unique identity....when I see that incredible compassionate heart, the zest for life, the understanding mind.....I know that I did OK in my job as a parent....no, if my son is any indication of the job I did....I have done an awesome job in my role as a mother!

When I look into that mirror....regardless of the challenges I see that may be faced....I love what I see! Yes...Jeff...my son...a mirror of myself....I love you! :)

"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we want to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself."

~ Joyce Maynard