The Abyss....

Somewhere between the light of life and the light of death is an all consuming spiraling darkness. Trapped there, spinning, the body void of strength, the mind tormented by the constant pull of the spiraling thoughts and emotions….there in the darkness one struggles to breathe. Gasping for air, searching for life….desperately seeking the light that has faded into darkness.

Energy that once filled the body, the mind, the heart, is now dissipated and one is left feeling vacant, lost, torn from the spirit. The emptiness is seen in the eyes that are staring off into the distance as if searching. For what? ~ for life…for death…for the light. The body moves robotically through the motions…leaving the mind to question how did I get here?

Coursing through the emptiness that remains within the body is nerve endings on fire....searing through the body...arms filled with hundreds of tiny bugs that eat away at the body form, the more you try and get them to leave the more they multiply until your entire being is on fire and writhing in agony. The light that brightens the sky and the artificial lights that are everywhere you turn, prove to be far too powerful for the eyes that need to remain closed....closed in darkness, yet fighting darkness. The constant hum of the energy from life occurring around you is in stark contrast to the lifelessness you feel consuming you....it pierces your ear, lights fire to all your senses, causes a fight within your body as if what is left is trying to escape....the body left fighting to cling to what is left inside tenses as if creating a barrier to not let the small glimmers of what is there escape.

Tears fall...beginning like little raindrops, until they turn into a raging thunderstorm leaving the body void of any existing energy, exhausted and vacant yet again. The rage of the storm turns on you....on those who are in your path....violently consuming you with thoughts and feelings that fight to take all pieces of your existence from you.

The pain cuts through you like a knife....yet it is so deep that you cannot find its source no matter how hard you search....craving soothing, something to ease the pain that runs deeper than one could possibly imagine....pain far too unbearable to endure....yet trapped in that abyss you cannot escape it wherever you search. Where feelings of connecting to life, to the world that surrounds you, once existed you are left with a nothingness....an emptiness that is so vast it seems impossible to fill. Yet you search....you ache....you call out....desperately needing to find anything but the darkness, the emptiness, that fills you and surrounds you.

The light of life calls out to you....trying to give you strength....to pull you towards it. Hands outstretch, arms enfold, eyes plead, hearts overflow, minds fill with prayers and loving thoughts, voices speak calling to you, bodies carry you....you hear them....you see them....you see life, yet cannot feel it. You see the life that surrounds you ~ a glimpse of the spring crocus, the laughter of children, the voices that sing praises, the energy of living life, the warm greeting from someone who loves you, the song of the birds, the rumble of the people that fill your world....yes there is life that shines its bright light, yet you cannot reach it no matter how hard you try.

The light of death beckons you....calling you towards peace. To ending the pain, the struggle, to fill the emptiness. It promises relief....calls out to you within the darkest of darkness. Yet you question it....you fear it.....because unlike the light of life, the energy of life, the promises of life, you cannot see it....you cannot feel it.

The aloneness of the abyss torments you....terrifies you....the spiraling darkness of emotions and thoughts within the abyss consume you.....you call out for strength, for peace, for light....yet only manage to catch a glimmer....is it the glimmer of the light of life....or the glimmer of the light of death.....you are spiraling so fast that you are unable to tell. So there you spin, left within the abyss....unsure of where the spiraling will stop....when the darkness will end and the light surrounds you again.