Hmmm

So much for starting to write again. I can't believe how much time has passed since my last entry. Where did my motivation to write go? Lost somewhere in what has been filled with my attempts to get through the day. Yes, I have been facing the dark pit of depression for quite some time now. For a while I was doing better but now I seem to find myself spiralling into the darkness instead of dancing in the light.

I received my second corneal transplant on April 30th and I am now finding myself fighting rejection yet again. How I wish my body would stop fighting itself and embrace the new cornea. This time around the surgery went much better than the previous time so we were very hopeful. Now I am taking extensive amounts of drops to fight the rejection and thankfully that seems to be improving things.

I find myself trying to take on volunteer tasks that will help bring more substance to my days. But what a struggle it is to keep myself going and get the tasks done that I need to. I have also been searching for a part time job that will have the flexibility that I need, but so far haven't been successful.

I am so thankful to be surrounded by Cheryl and the kids. They help me get through the day. I am so proud of how well the kids are doing. They bring me so much joy. I love hearing about their days and watching them do the things they love. If only that could be enough....

The weather has been dreary which doesn't help my mood. It has been the kind of days that you want to shut the world out and curl up with a blanket. Yes, my sofa has been my best friend lately. Not the healthiest way to live. Especially when I am fighting the highs and lows of diabetes.

I wonder what that "magic" trick will be that will bring light into my life and help me find the motivation I need to truly live...not just get by. I truly HOPE I'll dust off my "dancing" shoes soon. Surely it is time to put away the rubber boots.