Choices....

"Life is the sum of all your choices." ~ Albert Camus

I was online today with a friend I hadn't spoken to in a while. Her question to me was "how are you doing?" I answered with a response that I am finally feeling like I am doing well, that I am feeling healthier and that I can see the light more and more often. We first "met" a little over seven months ago during a time when I was facing some of the greatest struggles and challenges in my life.....or perhaps it was more like I was wading through the deepest muck in my life by facing my present challenges and my past demons. A common thread brought us together and we shared many conversations of "leaning and crying on one another's shoulder". She saw me through some of my darkest days, despite the fact that we have never met face to face. She was there for me when I chose to let go of a "protective bubble" that had kept me "safe" for a while and as a result would mean that our contact would be less frequent. She "held my hand" while I cried over the place that I had ended up.....while I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my being....and she understood.

So now today to be able to say that I am feeling healthier than I have ever felt brings both of us pure joy and hope. To be able to speak the words that I am beginning to feel whole, that I am seeing light more often instead of darkness...that the "rock" to crawl under and hide isn't needed near as often...shows how far I have come in my journey.

She spoke kind words filled with love and support, letting me know she was proud of me. She was proud of my ability to remain positive throughout my journey of darkness and struggle. I replied to her that there were many days I struggled to see light, to remain positive....but I had no choice. And her response to me was ~

"Well you did have a choice my friend...but the great part is that you chose the road less travelled instead of just giving in and feeling sorry for yourself and that's what makes you very unique".

I made a choice.....I made a vow to myself and to those I love.....to choose life. Despite the darkness...despite the struggles, pain and regrets...despite the unhealthy paths and the work it takes to change those paths.....I CHOOSE LIFE. Why.....because the alternative isn't an option......it is by far worse. To have been touched deeply, to the core of my being, far too often by that "worse choice" I KNOW with everything in me that I NEED to choose life.....not only for myself but for those I love.

So what does choosing life mean.....it means doing the work necessary to make the most out each moment I am blessed with.....to live in truth.....to be healthy....to seek hope instead of hopelessness....to reach out for a hand to hold when I need it.....to be carried when I can't do it on my own.....to remove masks and protective bubbles that aren't life giving......yes....I choose life and to live it to the fullest....making each moment count......and that's why as hard as it is, and often I stumble, I choose to think positively and live in that place of hope....hope that each moment brings.

So yes, I had a choice.....to not live life....to wallow in my pain and struggles (as I have done at times).....to not make the most out of my moments.....to cling to hopelessness instead of hope........OR to LIVE LIFE, be true to myself, live in hope......hmmmm....to me, the healthiest choice is quite obvious......the alternative, isn't where I want to be. So yes, I had a choice....and as hard as some days have been, I am thankful for that choice.....the choice I make on a daily basis.....to live life.....because in a moment's breath that choice may be taken away and that alternative isn't one I'd ever want to take.