Goodbyes bring HOPE....

I sit here tapping my fingers to the keys in hopes that doing so will rejuvenate my spirit....the mind is full, my body is weary and I have that "run over by a truck" feeling......all the result of a very emotionally intense weekend. Perhaps I feel this way in part due to the fact that my calling....my need to write, hasn't been honoured as much of late. Maybe my spirit misses it more than I am aware. I know that part of the way I am feeling is because this weekend began with an already quite empty emotional cup from the days that precipitated it.

This weekend was filled with several goodbyes, all taking place in different forms, but none more or less significant than the other. They were all goodbyes to specific parts of life's journey.

Saturday morning began with a memorial service for a friend's son....an incredible man who was honoured deeply by those whose lives he touched. The tears flowed freely around the sanctuary as his life was celebrated....making those present feel the very realness of how precious life is. Thoughts on my experience, and on Chris' journey consume my mind and have done so since the memorial service. I feel my spirit calling me to write more....and I will do so, in a separate entry.

Sunday I celebrated and I suppose in part, grieved, my eldest son's graduation from high school. Attending the Valedictory Ceremony brought upon many emotions....from pure joy and pride, to that feeling of sadness that my little boy isn't so little anymore. And of course the experience would not be complete without that feeling of fear ~ of sending him out to face the often scary real world. Quite like that first day of kindergarten....dressed in their new outfits, looking their best, feeling proud yet apprehensive....we as parents sent them off into this whole new world, out of the folds of our protective arms and gaze, and trusted them into a system that would help to mold, shape and define them. One that would provide many blessings and learning opportunities....and of course challenges. That familiar first day of school feeling came back as I watched with a heart filled with love and pride, my young man, my little boy, walk across the stage. I celebrate with him as he completes this branch of his journey and enters into the world of adulthood....one that is full of possibilities for him. While at the same time I grieve the loss of that little boy who I have spent my years loving, nurturing and protecting, knowing now that it is most definitely time for him to spread his wings and fly and yes, he isn't so little anymore. He has grown up into a fine young man....one that this mother is very proud of. I look forward to watching him embrace the opportunities that life's journey provides. Yes, as I ramble on about this one I do believe I am feeling a calling in my spirit to honour him within a separate entry.

Sunday evening was spent honouring the term of service for our youth pastor. Not much older than my eldest son is now, Jesse stepped into this role of leadership with great passion and enthusiasm. I am sure his mind and heart were filled with mixed emotions as he took on such a significant role, as he followed God's call for him. His presence in the life of my two eldest son's and in my life and my other children's lives has been incredibly significant. There are not words to fully describe what it has been like to have been touched by his gifts. His spiritual passion and his passion for life has helped not only my children grow in their faith journey, but myself as well. I will deeply miss his leadership role, hearing him speak and teach with passion and that secure feeling that, as a mother, I have felt knowing that my children were being loved, supported and nurtured by an incredible young man who truly understood them and helped them to grow in their faith journey. Who wasn't afraid to talk about the tough stuff with them and as well, to get down right silly with the best of them. His smile despite the challenging times, his influence and his passion will be carried in my mind and heart, and those of my children as we continue on our spiritual journey. THANK YOU.....is not words enough. Again, I hear my spirit telling me to write a separate entry that would truly encompass the depth of Jesse's ministry.

So....with that spirit calling me to write, write, write....why do I combine these significant events this weekend in one entry prior to honouring them with individual entries? Because they are all linked together in my mind. They were all experiences of goodbyes this weekend, in their own unique way.

And yes, this woman doesn't like goodbyes.....and so I choose to think of the experiences as new branches....new opportunities. Goodbyes are final, they are sad and don't leave a lot of room for HOPE. Yet, new branches signify growth and opportunity. The place where HOPE grows. Yes, my heart still feels a sense of sadness mixed in with the other emotions....but my heart knows that it is in these opportunities where we see where HOPE can grow. There have been many times in my life, and even more so recently, where I have struggled to find HOPE.....to find that place where I see beyond the impossibilities, the endings, the fears and know that through each experience a new branch is forming in my journey....it is my choice to choose whether or not to take it.

So I let these goodbyes....opportunities to demonstrate HOPE....fill my spirit as I face my journey.

Chris.......your pain has ended, your time here was spent fully embracing life despite adversity.....and your legacy lives on.....the way you lived your life and what you have given those whose lives you touched gives me hope.......HOPE that we can all make a difference and that life's challenges can be faced.

Jeff....my son....my heart is filled with HOPE for you.....of knowing that there are so many opportunities out there for you and that you will embrace them. Your spirit, the essence of who you are is incredible.....you have a true gift for touching and blessing the lives of others. And I know that as I watch you embrace adulthood with all its blessings and challenges my life will continue to be blessed and I know the world will be a better place because of you....it gives me HOPE for the world that can sometimes seems so cold and unfriendly and filled with obstacles, that your light and joy will shine through that.

Jesse.....your passion, your zest for life.....your willingness to stay true to yourself and your calling gives me such HOPE.....through your eyes, your words, your spirit I know that there truly is a power far greater than us here on earth who lives within us.....because I see that spirit within you. You give me HOPE that even on the darkest of my days there is always light.

HOPE....