The ultimate gracious gift....

Wow....I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted.....who would have thought anything could keep me quiet. Those who know me well, will know how bizarre it is for me to not be "talking". So tonight I am back at it friends....time to enter into the world again and speak.

I had my surgery just over 3 weeks ago....my last post spoke about the complexities of the emotions I was feeling in relation to my surgery. Those still continue to be at the forefront in my journey and I know it will take time and grace to work through them.

It has been a tough 3 weeks.....the feeling of confinement is more than this free spirit can handle, in fact in many ways the confinement has broken my spirit, if only for this brief period of time. The hobbling spirit is now beginning to heal and embrace the world and all it's wonders once again....to feel whole again.

The surgery itself was something I wouldn't wish upon anyone....to lie there filled the complexities of emotions and be coherent while a surgeon removes your cornea and replaces it with another's cornea is an experience that cannot be justly put into words. And of course the unique person I am required 3 times the usual amount of freezing and sedative and that still wasn't enough ~ so where others would feel no pain and be less coherent I felt pain and was very aware of everything that was being done to me.

I have spent the last 3 weeks healing, the first week being by far the toughest as I felt my body play tug-o-war with itself as it fought to reject the cornea while at the same time fought to heal...I could feel that battle within me and it took every ounce of strength I had to get through it. After being put on oral steroids and antibiotics, along with the already prescribed drops, I was finally able to begin to feel a sense of healing. Today as I type this I have come a long way ~ physically anyway and definitely in part, psychologically. My vision is slowly starting to come and the eye is healing nicely. We still have the concern that there are still blood vessels in my eye, which we don't want attacking the new cornea...but hopefully the steroids will help with that concern.

I have been so richly blessed with many friends who have held my hand, supported me, loved me and gave me space when I needed it....I truly could not have made it through these last several weeks without you. Your cups of coffee or chai tea, words of encouragement, gentle hugs, rides to church, providing a place of refuge, caring for my children, supportive emails and your gracious friendship.....yes, these things and many others have been the light in my life, have helped me stay connected, if only briefly, when I have wanted so very much to hide. It is those gracious freely given acts of kindness and tenderness that has filled my heart and spirit with love and peace ~ has allowed me to feel supported in my journey....has allowed me to heal.

I think frequently of this gift ~ this ultimate gracious gift I have been given. An opportunity to retain my sight through the loss of another's life. That wonderful person who chose to give of themselves so that another's quality of life could be sustained or enriched is the greatest of all gifts......to that wonderful person I say thank you....know that I will embrace your gift, your cornea and treat it with tenderness as I embrace the blessings of each and every moment that I am given. To honour this gift of sight and to live my life fully in a place of truth and honouring myself will be the greatest gift I could ever bless the donor and his or her family, as well as myself, with.