Light within the Darkness

For the past couple weeks I have experienced the darkest place I have been in for a very long time...not that I am a stranger to darkness...but these last 2 weeks things have been harder, darker, and the muck has definitely been deeper. As I sit here tonight I know that I am fully immersed within the muck of my journey...in fact, feeling like the muck has turned to quicksand and I am sinking...and the only thing that helps pull me back up is the light within the darkness. It is a place where you feel very stuck...you have no idea where to go to move forward, yet everything in you knows without a shadow of a doubt that you can't turn back.

What is the light I speak of within the darkness...it is the light that comes from recognizing the many blessings in my life and the special little things that make this journey worthwhile. It is the amazing friend who shows up with a container of Chai tea when we meet for coffee because Tim Hortons on Annacis Island doesn't serve Chai tea...the light that shines from this incredible gesture radiates through my darkness. It is the look of pure and simple joy on my father's face when he opens up his gift of jujubes...his favourite candy! Light shines as a result of the sound of laughter coming from my 4 year old daughter as she squeals with delight at being chased by her older cousin! It is the wonderful day spent with a friend attending church together and then enjoying the most amazing butter chicken and Chai latte afterwards. My darkness is illuminated because of the friend who shows up with a hug and a special "care package" just when I need it the most. Light shines through the love that is a significant part of a family gathering or time spent with friends. It is the friend who will listen to all the hard stuff and provide the love and support without judgment. It is the amazing friend who loves you wearing your sweats...no need to put on your "finest" because they are able to see the beauty, that you yourself may not even be able to see, regardless of what you wear. It is the "you got mail" message that pops up and brightens your day. It is the giant hug from one of my children, friends or family members that says "I love you". It is the music that fills my soul and tells a story so close to my heart. It is the friend who even when they don't fully understand your self-destructive and self-mutilating behaviour, will support you and love you. When I stop to think about the many places of light within the darkness the list becomes endless and strung together these moments light up even the darkest of days...

To my many family members and friends who bring light into my life in ways that are truly immeasurable and could never be fully described in a simple blog...I love you so very much. Thank you for shining your light in my life and for pulling me out of the muck when I find myself sinking...for helping me to believe that even in the darkest of days this journey is truly worth experiencing!